1. For the love of Pete, can you NOT pee on my front landscaping beds while traffic from our neighborhood garage sale is cruising by?
2. No, it isn't possible to make snow angels when it's 85 degrees outside.
3. Who put a picture of poop and farts on my iPad?
4. Why are you using my decorative bathroom candle to roast marshmallows? More importantly how did the candle get lit?
5. Why are you standing on the door knobs? You know what, never mind. I don't even want to know.
6. When I told you I was sending you to military school, I didn't mean right this second.
7. If you don't like the way the bread feels on your hands, just don't eat it.
8. No, it's not time to eat.
No, it's still not time to eat.
No, it's still not time.
No, just because I stood up does not mean I'm getting something to eat.
9. Please don't put the snail in your belly button.
10. No, Grandpa was not a professional wrestler who lost his eye in a match and now has a glass eye.
11. No, Grandma did not dance with snakes when she was younger.
12. Just because Abbi and Tyler told you that you were adopted does not mean that you were.
13. Why are these dollar bills wet? Did you just take the money out of your socks and hand it to me?
14. Thank you, Grandma, for bringing my old school photos with you from Arizona to show my kids. Yes, kids, I actually did have a mullet. Yes, Grandma did let me out of the house looking like that.
14. Please don't saw the tree with a steak knife.
15. No, those are not the dog's boobies.
16. Please stop licking my arm.
17. Thank you for informing me that when I am old and live in the nursing home I should eat avocados. That is certainly helpful advice.
18. No, I don't know the John Cena theme song.
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19. No, I am not drunk.............yet.
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