The Happiness Project

I have started on a quest this week to really figure out how to become and stay happy.  It began out of conversations with several different people where the topic of happiness has come up.  One person said to me, "I have been waiting for my real life to start."  Another said, "I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up."  Some might say that these are strange things for people on the verge of forty to be contemplating.  I disagree.  I know more people than not who are my age and don't have the slightest clue when their life is really going to begin or when they have truly figured out what they want to be when they grow up.  We have always existed in a culture of instant gratification.  What ever it was when we were in our early twenties that we thought would make us happy right then, we jumped into head first.  Fifteen plus years later here we are shaking our heads thinking this is no longer fulfilling.  Now I am back to square one.  What the heck should I do with my life?  Maybe when x or y happens, then I will be happy again.  Probably not.

I recently read a great book called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  She was also contemplating, “What do I want from life, anyway?”  Her answer was that she wanted to be happy.  (Don't we all?)  She realized that time was passing and she was not focusing on the things that really matter.  Then and there she come up the the idea of 'The Happiness Project.'  She spent a year working one month at a time on different areas of her life.  She focused on not only changing her habits and actions but her perspective on what is really important.  The result was the publication of the book The Happiness Project.  She is funny, insightful and easy to identify with.  I highly recommend this book to anybody who wants to dig deep and make their own lives better. 

Perspective is everything.  I was speaking to a  friend of mine who is a successful business professional and single.  On the topic of happiness she mentioned how hard it was to let go of the fact that marriage is not in her near future.  She always thought that once she had a husband and a family, then her life would really begin.  Then she could be happy.  She referred to my life, my kids, my husband and the white picket fence around my yard.  "You are living the dream," she told me.  I am shaking my head thinking no freaking way.  My husband is gone most every week traveling for work and I am trapped in my house having to manage the chaos of four kids and three dogs.  We have to plan MONTHS in advance if we want to get away for a few days.  Look at you...you can come and go as you please.  If you want to take a walk you can just go out the front door and do so.  It does not take a coordinated effort of a handful of people to man your house while you are out enjoying a walk in your neighborhood.  You can go to the bathroom or take a shower without having four people need something from you right then.  You have FREEDOM!!!!  I can't even remember what that is like.   The grass is always greener, right?  Why is it so hard for us to look into our own lives and see what others see?  Why can't we appreciate the good things we have?  Why is it so hard to let go of the envy we have of the lives others?

I am on a quest to do just that.  The thing I have working against me is that I am an instant gratification kinda gal.  I want big changes and I want them now.  I will jump head first into a project and give it all I've got.  The problem is that I get burnt out within a few days.  This project will challenge me to work against my nature, to start with simple small changes, and most importantly to follow through with things.  Many small changes will hopefully add up to a big change in mindset.  I invite you to take this challenge with me.  I am going to work off of Rubin's method because Lord only knows that I do not have the attention span to sit down and come up with my own method.  That is the ADD in me.  I can't change that if I tried.

In her first month she worked on vitality and boosting energy.  The rest of her monthly themes are as follows: home, love, work, parenthood, play, friends, money, spiritual, passions, mindfulness, and contentment.  Those all sound great, but completely overwhelming to overhaul all at once.  So I will start with vitality.  I want to take better care of myself and clear my head from the mental clutter that resides there.  I hate the way I feel most of the time because I do not dedicate the time or energy to taking care of myself.  I feel spent at the end of each day after meeting the needs of my family.  Most of the time I am tired, grouchy and feeling incredibly anxious.  The last thing I want to do it jump up and exercise. 

A funny coincidence is that one of my dogs is in the midst of some behavioral problems.  I have been reading Cesar Milan's book Cesar's Way.  In his book he says that the first part of your dog's formula for success is exercise.  It is the one thing you cannot skip.  Most pet owners in the United States fail at exercising their animals because we have a hard enough time with getting enough exercise for ourselves.  We don't recognize that "all animals have an inborn need to be active" (p. 198).   If it goes for our pets that the act of walking can release the excess anxiety, help them to relax, sleep better, and feel better...could this be applied to the human animal too?

My desire to be happy needs to be addressed first with how I feel physically.  Like I said before, I feel spent, done, put a fork in me kind of thing.  If I felt physically better I know I would be better prepared and able to face the world each day.  In each of her monthly concepts, Rubin creates four or five key behaviors she will do in order to create the change she desires.  Under my 'Vitality Month' (August) I am going to work on the following things:

-Start my kids' bedtime routine earlier
        * They will get more sleep and be less trying on me the next day.
        * It will allow me more quiet time for my in order to decompress before I go to bed.

-Get ready for bed (pjs, brush teeth, wash face, etc.) earlier than when I actually head to my bedroom
  to go to bed
        * I'll be far less likely to have late evening snacks if my teeth are brushed.
        * I'll be ready to jump right into bed when I am tired.

-Go to bed earlier
       * More rest will have a positive effect on the lack of energy I feel the next day.

-Exercise daily
        * It will release endorphins and will help to quell the excess anxiety that builds up.
        * I will sleep better, feel better and look better.

These things sound silly and sophomoric, but me writing it down is my commitment to myself to work on these behaviors.  I have been at it already for a day.  Yay me!  In that day, I have taken my dogs for two long walks.  The dogs have been behaved better as a result.  On this morning's walk my husband and I had the kids ride their bikes along with us.  We walked up to a local park.  Not only did they ride their bikes three miles, but they played at the park for thirty minutes too.  Since we have gotten home they have been playing together nicely (which NEVER happens)!!  It seemed to have helped my little human animals as well!

Hopefully 'The Happiness Project' that I am undertaking will affect not only me, but will set an example for my family as well.  I want them to grow up understanding that they are the author of their own happiness.  It doesn't have to come from getting the next greatest thing or only after x or y happens.  It is within them.  It has always been and will always be.  A quote from Rubin's book really jumped out at me and is going to be my motto in this venture.  "He who would bring home the wealth of the Indies must carry the wealth of the Indies with him." (p. 239)  That drives the point home that we can't look outside of ourselves for happiness.  If we want to find happiness we have to carry it within us.