Call of the Wild

Really?  Really?  You really feel the need to stop your bike ride at least three different times so that you can pee on three different trees?  Never mind the fact that the tree is right along side a busy road during morning rush hour and you are waving to the cars that are passing as you pee. 

This is the conversation I had with myself this morning as I was walking the dogs and Nick was riding his bike on the sidewalk ahead of me.  I couldn't catch up with him in enough time to intercept the tree peeing.  Maybe he was proud of how high and how far out he could make his stream go.  Maybe he was marking his territory.  Maybe he just really had to go.  The only thing I can be sure of is this child is proud of his peeing prowess. 

It is one thing to pee in our back yard where only our immediate neighbors can see, but to do it along side of a busy road...come on.  I have a hard enough time saving face in public.  My husband encourages his outside peeing.  "I'd rather have him pee in the grass than all over the toilet seat."  Good point.  I guess I would just rather have him not have a audience while he does it.

When the child is at home playing inside he will actually run outside and pee in the grass rather than take the ten steps that it takes to get to the bathroom to go.   I make him march into the bathroom anyway to wash his hands after he comes back inside.  It just seems to me that peeing outside is twice the work.  In an effort to understand this behavior I consulted the internet because everything you read there is the truth, right?  I found a list written by Steve Woodruff on a blog called 12most.com.  (http://12most.com/2011/07/22/12-important-reasons-boys-pee-woods/)

1. It’s natural

Have you ever seen a toilet growing in the wild? Didn’t think so.

2. It’s efficient

It’s important for all kids to learn optimal resource utilization at a young age. Not only is the young fellow saving time by cutting out a round trip indoors, there is also significant water savings. The planet will thank you.

3. It’s fun

You’ll never see a boy (even the adult kind) scowling during this activity. If you catch them in the act, you’ll see a smile curling across their relieved face.

4. Boys need to break the rules

Save any hissy fits for acts of vandalism or arson. Encourage good bathroom behavior, but nobody gets hurt sprinkling the ground. Except the odd anthill now and then.

5. Dogs do it

You know – marking territory. Let the kid leave his mark. It’ll evaporate soon enough!

6. It’s a teachable moment

A life lesson on the water cycle, without introducing plumbing concepts. What’s not to like?

7. Boys aren’t sterile

Gross, dirty, and uncivilized are three important words in the development of a young male. A quick pee in the woods gives vent to his inner slob. Leave at least some civilizing work to his future spouse.

8. It’s one less set of tracks in and out of the house

There’s enough stuff to clean up. Just think what you might be avoiding here – mud, ticks, dried worms…

9. The “drippies” stay outside

Would you rather have them on the bowl, or worse, on the toilet seat?

10. It’s part of the “code”

Boys have an unspoken code. It involves setting small fires with a magnifying glass, stomping on ants, and taking a free-range whiz when there’s a chance you might get caught. It’s genetic.

11. It’s early military training

Boys are fascinated with things that shoot. Practice is more fun when not confined to oval porcelain receptacles.

12. It’s the call of the wild

We live in a far too civilized world. The woods beckon. And kids need to respond with a bit of wildness to the call of nature!

Ok, now I kinda get it.  Makes good sense.  I just hope Nick's "audience" gets it too.  My guess is probably not though.  It's our luck that someone will report my three year old for indecent exposure.  Can a parent go to jail for that?  If you can't find me, you know where I am.  Bring bail money.  

Happy peeing.