"Parameters"

 So our friend (who is a realtor) keeps her feelers out there for us about new house listings and tosses them our way every once in a while.  Today she sent us an email about updating our parameters.  My husband gave her his "new parameters" and they were quite....what's the word I am looking for here, ummm....interesting.  See what transpired for yourself.

Allie:

Hi! So, I have an old search saved for you, but I think it might be smart for you to give me some parameters of what you are looking for in case something changed. Area? Size? Bedrooms? Garage? Price range? Thanks!

Allie Tzinberg Rossini

Laura McCarthy Real Estate

Drew:

4+ bedrooms, read as 5.
Man cave, read as stay the f out
2+ garage, read as need a place to be a man cave annex
2 story and basement, read as, as long as u have my padded room (see man cave) cyndi can have the rest.
Mud room, read as kids put your sh$& here so you don't muck up my man cave.
Yard, as much as possible.
Must have wainscot. I'm just gay that way.
Energy efficient, and all mechanical systems updated.
Wine storage, read as I want to feel important.
Hardwood, as little carpet as possible, read as I like it smooth.
No wall paper. Read as I don't want to have to take it down.

Optionals would include:
A turret
A crows nest
A dungeon
A moat.

I would also expect a flag with my crest to be presented upon closing.
If you were wondering, my family crest has a picture of a helmet flanked by griffins.

Thanks
Drew

 

Allie:
I am laughing so hard right now!!!

Allie Tzinberg Rossini
Laura McCarthy Real Estate 



You can now see where my children get it from.